Getting It Right the First Time

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One must fail to succeed. I’ve been told this ad nauseum. It keeps me from quitting, because success hasn’t happened yet. I wouldn’t say I’ve failed necessarily, but the climb can be excruciating. I can’t help but to us the Mt. Everest or K2 metaphor, both difficult, if not seemingly impossible, mountains to climb where death is a real possibility. Clearly, death isn’t possible while sitting at a desk and making shit up, but the death of my soul when I get rejected or find a massive hole in my plot is real, and it hurts. What I’ve come to realize is that my ego is getting pummeled.

shutterstock_595617548Ego is the sense of self, self-importance, personal identity.  Well, mine is wrapped up in writing and succeeding at doing so. I’m 44. I have kids. They ask when I’m going to be done with my book. “About three more years or so,” I say. My ego cringes. They look at me like I’m nuts and my daughter says, “I’ll be thirteen?” I die a little inside and say, “Yep. That sounds about right.” She makes a sound of exasperation and gets on with her day while I try not to reel on the fact that when this book is finally done it will have taken me eight years — I don’t try to explain that I have finished the book twice but the rewrites are where the real magic happens. I didn’t start this endeavor with any notion that it would be easy, I started because on my death bed I didn’t want to regret not doing it; so, it’s a long game, a slow burn and hopefully people will like the what I write.

Okay. What If I finish this thing and its wildly successful? Hell if I know, but I’ve been told it’s a one-in-a-million chance and it’s no good for the ego because I’ll always be chasing the dragon of success. I wonder if maybe that wouldn’t be so bad, but in my heart of hearts I know it would most likely not be a good thing — at least that’s what I tell myself.

 

4 thoughts on “Getting It Right the First Time

  1. Ego pummeling hurts. Hang in there. Toby likes to tell me “it’s all in the journey” and crap like that but I’m impatient.

    I hope the majority of the time you are enjoying the process and all that you are learning.

    Hope you guys are well! We keep adjusting and settling here and I can’t believe the school year is ending!!!

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Nice post. I love the phrase “chasing the dragon of success.” I guess we can never really know how anything is going to turn out. Life throws curveballs all the time, and things that we thought would work out or happen sometimes don’t. We just have to keep going and hope for the best. I hope you can catch that dragon of success and get everything you’re working for – speak766

    Liked by 1 person

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